I CANNOT GET THEE CLOSE ENOUGH

God's World by Edna St. Vincent Millay

O world, I cannot hold thee close enough!
Thy winds, thy wide grey skies!
Thy mists that roll and rise!
Thy woods this autumn day, that ache and sag
And all but cry with colour! That gaunt crag
To crush! To lift the lean of that black bluff!
World, World, I cannot get thee close enough!

Long have I known a glory in it all,

   But never knew I this;

   Here such a passion is

As stretcheth me apart, -- Lord, I do fear

Thou'st made the world too beautiful this year;

My soul is all but out of me, -- let fall

No burning leaf; prithee, let no bird call.

Childhood memories are flying around like the wind, today, ...stinging just a little.

Alone.  Behind my grandparent's shed.  An 11 year old girl and already having a hard time being known.  I watched the "popular kids" from my class playing basketball down the hill about 100 yards away.  Yet...I kind of enjoyed just snuggling with my kitten.  Loving her so much it hurt.  Thinking I could hide there forever.  

Sitting on the end of the dock.  Feeling the warm rays of the sun on my face and my toes swirling in the warm water.   With my parents as owners of the restaurant and floating marina, it was my playground in the summer.  And as much fun as I had playing and laughing I also have the memories of solitude and reflection.  I don't know what I thought about as I looked across the great body of water.  I just remember the beauty in the gazing.

The morning sun would pour into our living room through huge glass sliding doors.  In it's illumination, I would sit in awe of the picture painted for me to take in.  The lake ran in front of our house about 100 yards down the hill, the trees cleared out just enough for a beautiful view.  Sun danced like diamonds and trees would change their leaves with the seasons.

I told my mother that I felt like the rainbow in that great Missouri sky was made just for me.  She assured me it wasn't.  I knew it wasn't JUST for me...but it was for me.

"Memories?", me starting to question my thouguhts.  "Why the tears?"

"I just can't hold thee close enough! I have been stretched apart - the Lord has made the world too beautiful!"

Photo of Lake at Chestnut Ridge Metro Park by Eugene Barnes as posted by Franklin County Metro Parks on their Facebook Page


The Poem was the first I memorized and loved...even though school made me do it:-)

A wart!

Three days into my blog and already warts start to appear.

No post yesterday. It was in my head but didn't make it to page. WART!

I wasn't the best worker yesterday. Tired, slow and ineffective. WART!

I might have offended coworkers with my loud and opinionated views. WART!

I waited until midnight last night to do my bible reading...cramming it in. WART!

My outfit, yesterday, ended up feeling like a Halloween costume. I felt like a WART!

Yesterday didn't start the way I had it planned. It really started the night before. Going to bed at midnight didn't give me much energy to get up at 6:00 AM to spend time with God before the day started. I managed to pull myself from the chains of bed just in time to get my physical self ready for the day. My physical appearance started to reflect the inner reality.

I had worn that outfit the weekend before...I got compliments. However, my legs would be cold, so I pulled on a pair of patterned tights that I rarely wear. My mirrors aren't full length, so I wasn't aware of my appearance until I went to the bathroom at work. I opened the door to reveal myself in the ceiling to floor mirror and was... embarrassed. The tights somehow made me look like I was wearing a witch's costume. I told Husband about it later that night on the way home (we both laughed hysterically) and I changed as soon as I got in the door! No big deal, really.

I wish the inner warty self was as easy to get over. It is these warts which can easily make me feel as if I am not a very good Yvette. That God looks down and is disappointed in me and is shaking his finger. It is these warts which keep coming back, reminding me that I have a long way to go. I have taken care of these warts before ...many times...I thought they were healed.

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. " (1 John 1:8-9)

Warts...reminding me that I have a long way to go which in turn drives me back to God. Just having them and letting them all hang out for others to "enjoy" wouldn't be very nice. However, what if they are there so that I continue to come back to God. To receive his healing, so that I can then go out into the world and tell them..."YOU CAN GET RELIEF FROM YOUR WARTS TOO! THEY DON'T HAVE THE POWER TO DESTROY YOU AND YOUR SELF ESTEEM!" "God is Faithful and just will forgive YOU and PURIFY YOU!"

Healing, cleansing and purifying...just words...until you experience them from the hands of a generous, graceful, forgiving, loving, tender, hopefull and faithful Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Dear Lord, thank you for the warts...not so I can go out and offend people but that they bring me back to the foot of your cross. Back to your loving and outstretched arms that take me back every time. Thank you for encouraging me by also completely healing some areas of my life, by bringing me further down this road of righteousness. May the scares remain so they remind me of your miraculous works in my life. My love pours out for you because you first loved me.

Yvette

Daily Bible Reading Plan ....Again!

I usually don't start my bible in a year reading plan in October.

The usual and customary date is January 1st.

However, It seems that February is the usual and customary date that I end my bible reading in a year plan. So, I will not wait for that 1/1/10 date to do something meaningful and habitual in my life.

I will start today.

Dear God, help me to seek you and your word every day and to be filled by your fresh and satisfying food for the soul.

Why I FINALLY started my Blog

Why have a blog?

I guess there are more reasons than I could possibly immagine. Mine is pretty simple.

First, I need a spot to hold some of my thoughts as I navigate through my daily intake of the internet and world around me. I have favorite blogs I have bookmarked, but it is the interesteing "off the beaten path" kind that I need to keep track of with ease. Hopefully, this will be an effective way to do that.

Second, I also wanted a place where I could record my "1000 Gift List" that Ann Voskamp inspired. I want to be a part of a community that gives thanks and glory back to God. and then shares these blessings for the good of the community. I have gained so much from Ann's lists. She inspires and encourages me so much.

Third, I am hoping that this will be a sort of "accountability" tool for me to sit and talk with God in the morning. He is always drawing me towards Himself and the mornings are really the only time I feel as though I can have uninterrupted time with him. I need His word and his spirit to help me throughout the rest of the day. The time will actually be spend before the post, but I pray that the post will be an honest reflection and response from our time that we spend together.

Here are a couple posts I ran across this morning regarding this very practice which I felt were helpful to me:

Thirsting after God - How can I truly "drink the cup of Jesus"?

Spending the morning with God - I especially liked the passage from George Muller. A great reminder to go to bed early so we can get up early.

One thing I want to stay away from is to come on here daily and say something profound with a goal to change the world with my intelligence or loftiness. I really just want to be me, warts and all. Maybe God can and will use this broken vessel....but it won't be by a post directed on my own. By his Grace, He will meet me here and hopefully I will receive Him and His offer to have our daily morning coffee. Dear Lord, may I always receive your invitation.